his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
did i just pee glitter
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
