So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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