I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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