I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
