i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
