at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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