Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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