I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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