Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
