How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
