I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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