They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
