I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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