I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
