when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
