I need to stop coming to work sober
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm like, not good at living.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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