I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
