so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
