So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
