i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
