Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
