Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
