maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
