hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
