got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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