my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
