Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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