I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize