I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this just has baby written all over it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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