I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
