She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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