If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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