Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
