drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
