I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
