Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
