Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
bring money and cleavage
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
