I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
