Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
