You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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