Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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