Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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