it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
