wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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