do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
