He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize