You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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