addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
