I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
