names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
