So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
