Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
