so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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