Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just tell him i said nine months
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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