Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
