Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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