So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
