Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
