i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
