did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I will pee on everything he values.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
