I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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