i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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