ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
