I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
