I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the condom got lost in my hair
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize