barbara walters just said penis...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
