Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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