There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize