This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize