they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
