Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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