i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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