Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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