Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
