I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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